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One of the legends of show biz delves into his personal treasury of jokes ("The most comprehensive storehouse of 20th-century humor in the world"--Los Angeles Magazine) to present the most astounding array of one-liners, anecdotes, quips, and gags ever published. Line drawings..../ Milton Berle's Private Joke File: Over 10,000 of His Best Gags, Anecdotes, and One-Liners / BAD EYESIGHTMilton Berle's Private Joke File: Over 10,000 of His Best Gags, Anecdotes, and One-Liners
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A resource if you like to (and need) laughs!! : Milton Berle's Private Joke File: Over 10,000 of His Best Gags, Anecdotes, and One-Liners
...every morning someone comes in to dust off the sales clerks! Wokka Wokka
Ha wasn't that a hoot? It's just one of the 10,000 jokes I now own because I picked up a copy of Milton Berle's Private Joke File.Berle, or Uncle Miltie, was a vaudeville performer before he jumped to TV in the 50's and many of his jokes go back that far. He also gives advice on how to stage a roast for charity, how to incorporate funny foreign accents into your act, and he actually has a small "chapter" on "K' words.(Words with the K sound are automatically funnier than words without it. Most of his ideas are 50+ years old, so they may seem a little, "anachronistic" On the other hand quite a few do work and Berle gives some interesting historical tidbits on working as a comic all those years ago. And it's always interesting to see what people laughed at back in the day.But here, see for yourself:
A recession is when you have to tighten your belt. A depression i swhen you have no belt.
From behind, she looks like 2 puppies fighting.
He's so fat that every time he goes thru a turnstile, he has to make 3 trips!
He's so fat he got on a rowing machine last night and it sank!
My wife and I have a waterbed. She calls it the Dead Sea.
A neurotic builds castles in the air. A psychotic lives in the castle. A psychiatrist collects rent from them both.
How can you tell if a turkey is a Republican? If it has two right wings!
She's so ritzy, the bags under her eyes are Gucci!
What acts like a male rock star,looks like a male rock star and talks like a male rock star?....A female rock star!
He's so rich if you asked for a salad at his house they served you shredded money!
They now have a teenager doll. You wind it up and it resents you for it!
Wrinkles are hereditary. Parents get them from their children!
He had so many wrinkles an accordian once fell in love with his face!
King Soloman had a thousand wives. That way, the odds were pretty good that one of them wouldn't have a headache!
My wife complained about not being wanted, so I went to the post office and put up her picture.
My wife is so frigid, when she opens her mouth a light comes on!
A friend of mine knows what worry is. He's got a secretary and a note from a bank and they're both overdue!
Why don't they have icecubes in Poland? The lady who knew the recipe died!
It took the Mormons six months to come out west. That's what happens when you let women read the road maps!
An Israeli sea captain is called a Yom Skipper!
They have a new device for keeping the inside of your car quiet. It fits right over her mouth!
She has a million dollar figure, but the top half is counterfeit!
I once had a meal in a German-Chinese restaurant. The food was delicious but an hour later I was hungry for power!
Actually some of these jokes aren't bad at all. And there's something to be said for knowing a few zingers that don't fit in with today's P.C. atomosphere. And if you're like me, you're the kind of guy who likes to sometimes torture people with the sheer corniness of a joke. This book provides corn by the bushel! Alright, I'm gonna recommend it.
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